Adulthood - Lollygaging and Leases

A general question for our lively audience - when do you have to call yourself a grown-up?

And yes, I mean 'have.' I've never wanted to be an adult. It always felt that admitting to being mature was a sort of concession to giving up everything fun, interesting, and exciting about life as I know it. Of course, this isn't exactly true, but I nevertheless find the prospect of becoming a 'real person' a depressing one. All the more obnoxious because I find myself dealing with more and more 'real' problems as I edge my way closer to my mid-twenties. (I maintain that I'm not in my mid-twenties yet. At 23, I'm in my early twenties still, dammit.)




It's just odd. Now that I'm about to start a 'real' (ah, that blasted word again!) job, I have more things to consider that I've no notion how to approach. I can't make top from bottom when it comes to my health benefits, or to my retirement plan. The thought of signing an actual lease on an apartment (rather than living month-to-month, as I have been for the past year) is both horrifying and exciting. When I make a concious effort to 'cut-back on expenses,' it doesn't just mean buying fewer DVDs with my allowance, but unplugging every appliance in the house and working by candle light to reduce the electric bill. Plus, I now have responsibilities not just for myself, but for parents. And not just their well being, but for their financial security, their medical needs, the mortgages on their houses...

I feel like I never signed up for any of this stuff, and that I'm being forced to deal with this 'real world' nonsense far sooner than I am inclined to.

Of course, these are all signs of me being a spoiled brat, but, well... I've liked being a spoiled brat. For the longest time, I wasn't expected to take care of myself. Then, I just had to make sure I didn't fuck up too badly and that I kept myself breathing with little difficulty. After that, I actually had to step up and pay for myself (mostly) while keeping catastrophes in check and, again, maintaining that breathing thing. Now, I'm getting to a place where it wouldn't be at all unreasonable to start putting other people's needs in front of my own. Both because that's the right sort of thing to do, but also because it's expected of me.

It's only odd because I find myself doing the same things (albeit, in a bumbling manner and with no clear idea as to what I'm doing) that people thirty years older are managing, the basic universal tasks of responsible adults everywhere. While also wanting to stay out drinking all night, keep to my room while reading all day, spend all my money on trivial things, and take up a bad habit or three, just because I can.

There's this obnoxious dichotomy that I have to deal with that I wasn't planning on taking up for another five years or so. I am able to do whatever I want, but I'm also obligated to do many unpleasant, necessary, and 'real' things to keep up with the ever growing demands of reality.

Which, again, makes me a spoiled brat. Lollygagging about my life for the fun of it is great and all, but there are responsibilities I have that I wouldn't shirk, even if I was able to. But the thought of giving up my misadventures, my stupid decisions and hilarious mistakes that I feel as if I've only just started to really partake in, is an utterly demoralizing one. Being reckless is something that has taken me a great deal of courage to take up, and giving it up so soon would be a discredit to the wealth of stories I hope to build up throughout my life.

So, now what? Is it possible to do both? To take up the 'real' obligations that I need and want to adhere to while also being a stupid kid, without any compromises?

Well, no. But can I make those personal sacrifices without missing out on the essential fun, stupid things that make 'growing-up' so interesting in the first place?