Poop is Private - Rules for Reading/Writing this Blog

I have never written a public blog before. Where people know it's me, I don't place my settings as 'friends only,' and I try to have actual opinions about stuff.

Two posts in, I'm not sure if I like it all that much.

See, last night I had a conversation that went (loosely) like this:

Z: Why do X and Y keep having facebook updates about poop?
W: I don't know. They're bored and have nothing better to do? They want to warn us all about the dangers of eating too many beans and not chewing corn properly?
Z: They might think it's cute. I wouldn't know why, but still. Their optimism about the adorableness of their bodily wastes is to be appreciated.
Me: *with the utmost seriousness and terror* No one in the history of all creation could think poop is cute.
W: The history of all creation?
Z: I'm sensing deep-seated issues here.
Me: No. It's just, well... Poop is private.

Gang, this blog is designed to be my poop.

This is the stuff I've consumed (media, life interactions, books, etc.) and digested (thought about some). It looks gross (or reads like the confessional of a neurotic eleven year-old watching TV she really shouldn't have access to without adult supervision (no offense to any eleven year-olds in the crowd)), reeks (of pretentiousness, narcissism and self-importance), and is a bit embarrassing to show to other people.

First of all, it should be clear by this point that no one should ever show off poop to me. Good? Great.

Second, I'm abandoning the poop comparison, because now it's just getting weird.

Third, I think it's time to set some ground rules. For me, for you, for the great internetz at large. Just so I can go through the 'verbalizing' portion of my insanity and move onto a good emotional place for blogging.

(Yes. For me blogging is an emotional space I'll be occupying. And yes, you should be mocking me now.)

So, without further delay...



Rules for Reading this Blog

1) Don't take me too seriously. Nine times out of ten I don't, and that remaining tenth is usually a mistake on my part. I mean, a giant leap towards the abyss is loosing your sense of humor, and god knows I'm already teetering on the 'worryingly odd' ledge.

2) Don't be offended by my opinion. I'm not trying to irritate you, honest. Usually I'm hoping to get an amused snort out of you. Just please don't expend any energy being mad over something posted in the early hours of the morning on the internet.

3) Call me on my shit. Cause, see, why be pissed when you could affably argue instead? Disagree with me. Shoot me an email or facebook message. Talk to me in person. I tend to be great at making claims and never having to defend them to anybody, which is fun and all, but not really productive.

4) If you're bored, stop reading. Please. Don't torture yourself. I don't care how long we've been friends. Your sanity is more important. (And this is how you know we're friends.) 

5) Have fun.

And now...

Rules for Writing this Blog

1) Keep writing.

2) Don't take yourself too seriously. And when you are taking yourself too seriously, be honest about it.

3) Avoid diatribes, preaching, and lectures as much as possible. Not only are they boring, but the whole thing would be decidedly patriarchal of you.

4) Blogs are narcissistic by nature. This is a self-indulgent, pretentious, twenty-something thing to be doing. You are embodying the cliche. Get over it.

5) No drunk posting. The typos would be way too embarrassing.

6) Diary entries are to be avoided. Your torrid emotional states are riveting stuff to you, but to everybody else they'll just read like one-sided bitch sessions.

7) Don't be afraid to be wrong. You learn new stuff when you mess up.

8) All spoilers go behind a cut. Spoilers are evil. You don't want to spread evil, do you?

9) Never post what people want to hear just because it's what they want to hear. That way madness lies.

10) Have fun.

Ground rules established, fun times are now ready to be had by all.