Which is more than a little bit embarrassing, since I'm supposed to be an 'enlightened' and 'educated' young woman of means (ish) and I should know better. (Please don't get me started on my favorite musicals.)
The point - I sorta think Waitress is one of the most feminist films I've seen. At least, according to my skewed version of feminism.
Feminism is something that I - to some extent - grew up with. I always knew I had a choice. That I had a certain amount of power and freedom and privilege. Which isn't to say my life was populated by a huge number of strong women (because it wasn't), or that I never felt trapped (because I did), but I never directly felt the crushing weight of patriarchy on my shoulders. The idea at the heart of feminism - the notion that power isn't something to be taken by those who are the strongest, but a right to be given to all - is one that I've always known. Because I've been damn lucky.
Which is why I like Waitress so much. Because the experience of the women in this film is exactly opposite of mine. They haven't had choices, they've had no power, and they know what it means to be utterly confined to a life you can't stand because you have no other options. Waitress is impressive because it doesn't try to dress up Jenna's situation, doesn't make light of the fact that her circumstances are fairly hopeless (and sometimes dangerous), but it still manages to be funny. And charming. And romantic. And even empowering. And it does all this without giving anyone a traditional 'happy ending,' without mocking the people it portrays, and without stepping too far outside of the realm of reality.
Jenna - the protagonist of the film - never literally kicks ass. Which is a shame, because her husband deserves a foot to the face. Her husband in the film, Earl, is the extreme of a type of man I know all too well. Insecure and violent and incredibly isolating, he's at turns comic, sad and terrifying. And similarly, Jenna is also the radical fictionalization of women I've known. Women who are trapped by circumstance and fear, and have no way out. The characters Becky and Dawn are the same. I know these women.
So, yes. Dawn ends up settling for a man who is devoted to her who she doesn't necessarily love. And yes, Becky cheats on a husband who she remains married to out of obligation. And then there's Jenna, who has the audacity to want and need the support of not just one man, but two (the good (married) Doctor Reynolds and Old Joe), to eventually get away from her abusive husband. Not to mention choosing to have a child rather than an abortion, which can be seem as a type of oppression all it's own. (I'll get to baby Lulu later, honest.) And I think that all of it is feminist like whoa.
I hate it when feminists get pissed because a woman chooses to be a housewife, or a soccer mom, or what-have-you. Is it a choice I would make for myself? Absolutely not. Do I think a lot of these choices are influenced by what society dictates? Sure. But that's not the point. The point is that this woman, whoever she may be, has the power to make a choice at all, and that no one chooses for her. Especially not me.
There's a difference between being forced to stay with your crippled husband and choosing to. And while I do think Dawn's motivation to marry stems from an unhealthy societal drive for women to be in relationships, be married, and enter the lovely world of eternal coupledom, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't do the same thing, presented with a loving idiot who I thought could make me happy. Similarly, in terms of the abortion debate (which is a whole can of worms I don't want to delve into), Jenna may not want her baby, but by the end of the film she has chosen Lulu in way she hasn't been able to choose anyone or thing else prior.
I'm not saying that the presence of choice is the only thing feminism is, or should be, fighting for. But I do think, considering the horrific alternative displayed by Jenna's life until the conclusion of the film, it is the most essential one. Freedom is the ability to make a choice, and empowerment is the act of making one. Whether or not I'm ultimately 'happy' with the decisions these women make for themselves, they're a lot better off than those who are left without any choices at all. Which isn't meant to sound belittling - there's a triumph in small victories, and true joy to be found there, as the conclusion of the film hints at.
Another beef I tend to have with the particularly adamant feminists is the foolish belief that men have no place in female empowerment. To this, I can only blink in confusion at their silliness. Men are essential to the empowerment of women. To pretend that they aren't is to perpetuate the same system of exclusion and disengagement that has plagued women throughout human history. Reversing the discrimination doesn't make it better, and pretending that half of the population wouldn't be helpful in the fight for equality is just... Well. Stupid.
Besides, I like boys. And at the end of the day, we have a lot more in common with them than not. I've leaned on men for emotional, monetary, and physical support on many occasions. Just as I have leaned on women. I don't find this weak, or foolish, or to be detrimental to all of woman-kind. Call me silly, but I always thought the seeking, giving, and receiving of comfort is a basic human imperative, whether that comfort comes from men, women, or goats. (Granted, the goat thing is a bit odd.)
Which leads me to my favorite part of this ridiculous and charming movie. The community of women in this film is amazing. Jenna spends the movie supporting her girlfriends, they try to support her, and ultimately Jenna's mother and daughter are the two people who give her real power. Her mother teaches her how to bake - how to express herself emotionally, support herself financially, and offer a legacy to give to other women and those she loves. And of course, baby Lulu - a girl - is both the catalyst for Jenna's ultimate self-freeing, and the eventual inheritor of the legacy that helped her mother survive until them. Women supporting women is in the foundation of this movie, which isn't something we see often enough in films or literature.
That all being established, no. This movie isn't as feminist as some. Alas, most of the conversations between women revolve around men, there is no literal ass-kicking, no rejection of patriarchy in all of its forms. But I still think it is impacting from a feminist standpoint. Because it gives choice to women who seemingly have none, and dignity to a life many would easily scorn or dismiss as foolish.
Well, dangit. I don't. And I like it. And if women want to marry idiots, stay with cripples or bake pies, let them do it, damn it. Hopefully we'll all be so lucky to live the way we choose to than the way other people tell us we should.
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